AWARDS OF THE 1ST WORLD
TANKA COMPETITION
English division:
the first prize: Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah(Miyagi, Japan)
the second prize:paul t conneally(United Kingdom)
the third prize: Neca Stoller(Georgia, USA)
Recommended: (1) Dan Pugh(United Kindom)
(2) Sumiko Hamlow(New Mexico
USA)
(3) Peter Duppenthaler(Osaka,
Japan)
Japanese division:
1) the first prize: Nobuko Tsuda(Kyoto, Japan)
2) the first prize: Nobuko Tsuda(Kyoto, Japan)
the second prize: Hiroko Seki(Gunma. Japan)
3) no contestant-qualified
James Kirkup
THE 1st WORLD TANKA COMPETITION -- Judge's remarks.
Ladies and gentlemen: I was very pleased to receive the excellently-chosen
selection of competition-class tanka from what must have been a welcome
large number of entries. It was a pleasure for me to read and evaluate
them.
The standard was high, so it was difficult to judge.
First of all, I am glad to report that all the tanka in the final
selection were correctly composed in the traditional 5-line, 5-7-5-7-7
syllable stanza form of 31 syllables in all. To be able to create a
tanka
successfully in this form demands great skill, so I would like to congratulate
all the final twenty finalists on their technical ability.
The success of their tanka techniques must have depended partly
upon the
nature of the theme chosen as the subject of the competition. Such
a
beautiful, poetic theme of a natural scene that was treated already
by the
ancient waka poets and is still relevant today must have been a great
stimulus to the creative spirit. It is a wonderful subject we are all
familiar with, for it is found everywhere in nature --grasses round
a
stream.
I was pleasantly surprised by the varied ways in which this subject
was
handled by the poets. Both Japanese and non-Japanese entrants discovered
true poetic elements to describe in their verses.(It was easy for me
to
guess which had been written by Japanese and which had been written
by
non-Japanese, because both groups of contestants had their own individual
style of expression, though with a common emotion.)
In the end, I decided that the best tanka were those which remained
closest to the original theme, introducing many beautiful traditional
and
also modern elements into their works. They were all interesting in
their
own individual ways and styles. There was occasional carelessness
in the
use of English vocabulary and grammar. The worst faults were made by
lack of
discrimination in the use of English words, and some writers spoiled
their
last lines with inappropriate adjectives and nouns. There were some
regrettable uses of archaic poetic words, like "nigh" for "near" and
"atop"
for "upon". On the other hand, there were several uses of ugly words,
usually modern scientific terms, like "symbiotic", "plastic straws"
to
describe reeds, abstruse botanical terms and the technical terms in
"They
are watched on an AM/ TFT LCD screen ". I do not mean that such language
is
not allowed. But it should be used in an appropriate context, and it
did not
suit the basic feeling
for nature in the theme. Here again, insensitivity to the comparative
qualities of English words weakened tanka that had begun as traditional
natrure poems. It is inelegant, for example, to refer to "insects"
-- that
great theme in all Japanese literature -- as "bugs." The sound of
the word
also is very ugly.
A final word of advice: when making tanka, do not forget that
poetry
must obey its own laws of logic. That is, the "argument" or "plot"
of a
tanka must proceed logically and in a natural manner, taking care to
preserve the sequence of the tenses, and not change from present to
past in
the same poem. Poetry demands strong control, and airy, dreamy nothings,
however picturesque, are absurd when ungrammatically presented. Even
the
most romantic and emotional poems depend for their existence upon a
cool,
logical mind in the poet. For this reason, some of the tanka, though
touching, were an emotional mess, and embarrassing to read. In future,
poets, keep a cool head and a firm grip upon syntax when you compose
even
the most passionate of love poems!
It is now my duty and my great pleasure to give you the result
of my
long and careful examination of these estimable poetic works. I shall
add a
few relevant comments on each winner. First of all, here is the third
prize:
There is a saddness/ when after days of turning
through fields of flowers/ that seem endless, suddenly
the stream reaches the ocean. (by Neca Stoller)
It is a lovely thoughts, well-expressed. My only criticism is
of the
word "turning" which I would prefer to be "winding". The expression
of the
logical poetic thought is well balanced through all five lines.
Here is the second prize:
An old woman reads/ by a fast flowing trout stream
grass seeds ride rapids/ the breeze turns back the pages
of her now torn pillow book (by paul t conneally)
In this touching picture of old age, I admire the "youthful" images
of
"grass seeds" and "pillow book". The latter word in Japanese is makura
no
soshi, a form of commonplace book or random personal jottings in
disconnected, zuihitsu manner, which dates from the Heian Period, and
the
most famous example of which is the court lady Sei Shonagon's 11th.
century
"Pillow Book" which is satirical and amusing and deeply personal. A
secondary meaning of makura no soshi is a collection of suggestive
erotic
pictures, that used to be slipped under the pillow of a supposedly
sexually
innocent young bride. I am not sure which meaning is intended in this
tanka.
But in any case it was not a simple "bedside book", the kind we read
to send
us to sleep at nights.
The first prize is the following:
Two rings I once wove/ from grasses beside a stream.
One I gave away,/ its mate I kept for myself,
pressed in the depths of a book. (by Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah)
Here is an unusual interpretation of the contest theme. It is
very
carefully planned and composed, and the expression is fluent and correct,
though "mate" is slightly out of tone with the rest of the vocabulary.
I
should prefer: "its twin I kept for myself..." But that one blemish
does
not spoil the tanka as a whole.
There are sevral other tanka deserving of mention, like "Around
the dawn
hour/ when that blackbird had been singing/ for two or three hours/
(grasses
on the river bank/ whisper gently in the breeze by Dan Pugh) but there
is an
unfortunate change in tense in the last line. Another tanka has great
charm:
"How far she has come/ to the land near the desert./ A water lily/
blooms in
my garden pond,/ white solitude in twilight." (by Sumiko Hamlow) Another,
with a charming beginning: "Trailing in the stream/ the long grasses
of
summer/ minnows nibble them/ where the current flows slowly/ putting
on fat
for winter"(by Peter Duppenthaler)
-- which is ruined by that banal last line. But it is a good attempt,
and
could easily be improved. So I thank you all, and wish you the best
of luck
for the next competition! (Each entry handed to James Kirkup has only
the
number.)
Japanese division:
1) On the theme, "Grasses beside a stream"
The first prize:
The Shirakawa--/ its shallow stream is flowing
so clearly away,/ while a fragrance of the first
bush clovers falls from its banks. by Nobuko Tsuda
2nd & 3rd prize: no contestant-qualified
2) On the theme, "Takigi-noh" or 'noh play presened in the air'
The first prize:
As it turns darker,/ sounds of music and chanting
are growing stronger:/ the fiery light releases
fragrance from the dancer's sleeves. by Nobuko Tsuda
The second prize:
In castle ruins/ the tappings of a hand-drum
so clearly echo,/ that in Komachi's dancing
even the moon seemed to smile. by Hiroko Seki
3rd prize: no contestant-qualified
3) Unfixed theme:
1st & 2nd & 3rd prize: no contestant-qualified
(Translator for above three tanka: James Kirkup)
Comments in English for Japanese divisions by a judge, Mutsuo Shukuya
will
be available soon.
